I hired my FA for one thing—to manage my retirement investments. Outside of retirement I have a plan for how I manage my cash flow that fits with my personal lifestyle choices, but I feel my FA wants me to change to fit an investment plan he has picked for me.

We have been saving for retirement about 30 years. One day he called us into his office so he could model our retirement expenses. He asked a number of questions but ignored my answers. Then he came up with a model based on a lavish lifestyle that showed my 30 years of savings would be gone in just one year if I retired early.

I should have fired him on the spot. Apart from not listening to my answers, it’s demoralizing to feel like I have worked a lifetime to support myself for just one year. I felt angry and discouraged.

His plan must have been to convince me to maximize my retirement contributions. I was not ready to do that, and I had told him why. When I was younger I had done that, but got badly burned when my finances went sour and I had no emergency funds—everything I had was locked into an untouchable retirement.

Since then I shifted my finances into six parts:

• Money I need to live today, month-to-month
• A decent rainy-day savings for major purchases or emergencies
• Aggressively paying down all debt, including mortgage debt
• Helping my three children as young adults, buying their first car, providing their college education
• Saving a little in a (matching) 401k
• Enjoying life at middle-age, spending time with family and friends

The last point in particular I am not willing to compromise on. I don’t want a lavish lifestyle but I should be able to travel and enjoy activities. I have minimized personal expenses and nearly eliminated all debt. Today we could live comfortably on $3,000 a month. I am not willing to see my children take on further student loan debt, as I consider 5% interest rates criminal for an investment in our future.

We are not maximizing our tax-deferred contributions today. We did when much younger, but accumulated debt in doing so, and became “house poor”. I’ve learned from our mistakes.And there’s no shame in paying taxes. Part of the point of increasing retirement contributions is to lower my tax burden, I get it. But unless I am also debt free I am losing the game—I would lose far more to interest payments than I would ever pay in taxes.

I need to find a financial advisor who is on board with my plan and will work to maximize the return on my retirement investments and my savings funds. I lack the time to figure this all out for myself. But I don’t need an FA who is set on changing my ideals.

My husband’s family has used a boutique firm of financial advisors for years, and honestly, they are probably the best of the best. Independent, fee-for-service—they are very good at what they do. However, I still have some massive issues with them.

Essentially, they have overcomplicated everyone’s finances to a point where the family is now reliant on them for everything. They could probably never extract themselves from their services even if they wanted to. I think this is their ultimate business model. My in-laws have a highly complex portfolio of 30-40 investments (shares, managed funds, etc.), and yet their fund grows less than my simple VAS/VGS portfolio. They pay these guys something insane like $30K per year in fees.

The same firm took on my sister as a client, despite her having extremely simple and minimal finances, charging her $5K per year for insurance and tax advice and complicating her super and other things to the point that now she can’t manage it by herself. I think they honestly should have told her she didn’t need a financial advisor.

Prior to learning about finances and “going it alone,” they had my husband involved in several managed funds that were charging him 1.5% per year and making around 5-6% before fees. Way worse than a simple ETF. I worked out that his money grew about half the amount it would have if we had just been using ETFs from the beginning. And yet, when we mentioned our change of plan, they still recommended we didn’t go with ETFs and stayed with the managed fund. It didn’t make sense.

Again, my theory is simply that they don’t charge commissions on these things, but by having them manage our money and invest into funds for us, they can charge us fees for service and keep things sufficiently complex so we need to keep using them year after year. I think it’s all a bit of a rort, really.

When I was preparing to buy my home, my financial advisor who arranged the mortgage told me that the lender ‘didn’t accept’ help to buy ISA’s, so told me to transfer the money to my savings account and withdraw the full sum in bulk.

I later found out that’s not how it works…! I missed out on the government grant. I would have reported but I have no evidence as the advice was via email while I was using my work email address of a workplace many workplaces past!

Still bugs me when I pass his office 🙃